On the First Day Of Christmas

Doug is suspicious when his father (John Beal) introduces his new, and much younger, girlfriend (Sheree North); Nancy and Jeff have a fight over who gets Timmy over Christmas.

Written by Michael Barlow; produced by Nigel McKeand; directed by Gerald S. O'Loughlin. Sheree North: Constance Hume. John Beal: James Lawrence. John Rubinstein: Jeff Maitland. Michael David Schackelford: Timmy Maitland.

[Buddy walks in, dressed as Santa Claus]
Buddy: Mom, Christmas is coming!
Kate: Tell that the Santa Ana wind that's been blowing hot air for the last week.
Willie: Aw, poor mom, haunted by memories of white Christmases...
Kate: You don't know what you've missed, honey.
Buddy: If it's any comfort, it was hot in Bethlehem too.
Kate: What I need is cold comfort, but thanks anyway, Santa.
Doug: Willie, cut the ropes. I'll light the fire.
Kate: The fire?? It's ninety degrees outside!
Doug: Well, the fire is going to be inside.
Kate: Oh, of course -- what didn't I think of that? I'll go ice the hot toddies.
Doug: Hah hah. O Letitia, you never looked lovelier...
[Buddy fluffs her beard]
Doug: Now, the pièce de résistance. C'mon, c'mon, Buddy, up we go.
Buddy: Huh? Nuh uh. No way. Not this year, I'm too big.
Doug: Yes, I know, but Willie's even bigger, and Timmy's much too small, so you're it. C'mon, give her a hand.
[Doug and Willie, grunting, hoist the screaming Buddy up to the top of the tree]
Doug: Somebody hand her that ornament, quick!
[Buddy puts a spire on the top, to everyone's cheers]
Doug: Next year, I'm gonna rent a kid. A little one.
Buddy: I'll pay.
James: I'm glad you're here, because, uh, I need an opinion.
[James opens a case containg a string of large pearls]
Doug: Whew. These must've cost...
James: They did. But so what? Think she'll like 'em?
Doug: These are for Constance?
James: They'd look damn silly on me.